Top Ten Things That You Should NEVER Wrap in Bacon!

Hello guys! Sorry I’ve been gone from the top ten column for so long, but this time I’m back with an article that’s more exciting-er, more cool-er, and more stupid-er than anything I’ve written in the past. Enjoy!

TOP TEN THINGS TO NOT WRAP IN BACON
 
#10: A 70-FOOT LONG CLUB SANDWICH
I don’t think they even sell these at Subway, but unless you want to look like something out of the “wafer-thin-mint” Monty Python sketch, don’t eat a 70 foot long sandwich covered in bacon.
 
#9: A Pinecone
Tasty, but slightly inedible.
 
#8: A DVD box set of “NOVA”
While educational, I highly doubt that this would make a tasty treat. The crunch is not, despite what your parents have told you, a sign of good food.
 
#7: A piece of broccoli.
Why waste perfectly good bacon by wrapping it around a vegetable?
Tis' a CRIME! A bacon-wrapped veggie recipe? Woah.

Tis’ a CRIME! A bacon-wrapped veggie recipe? Woah.

 
#6: A Hydrogen Bomb
Why waste those perfectly good teeth of yours by cracking them on some sort of steel thing. Also, it may go off, and no-one wants that.
 
#5: Your Dachshund Hound
Those tiny dogs could easily be mistaken for another piece of bacon! It’s not your fault…
 
#4: A piece of Lead Piping
As an added disadvantage, you also get lead poisoning.
 
#3: A Human Femur.
Do I really need to explain this?
 
#2: A professional basketball player
Or Kevin Bacon — I mean Durant goes for the dunk!
Kevin Bacon... in bacon?

Kevin Bacon… as bacon?

 
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU SHOULD NOT WRAP IN BACON…
 
#1: Your Grandmother.
I think this would result in some very funny scenarios involving your grandmother and a pig farm.
 
**NOTE: Doing any of these may result in very interesting questions from your psychiatrist, who you covered in bacon.**
 
Hope you enjoyed, guys! Until next time!
The image above can be found on a thorough guide to bacon…
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