Jefferson Middle School Protesting-What Happened?

The piece below is opinionated and does not necessarily reflect the views of the Jeffersonian, JMS, or any staff/students. Also, this is a semi-fictional story, so don’t take anything too seriously.

Middle school, often regarded as the worst years of students’ lives; although some students do have an affinity of their middle school years.  Some students never decipher the ways of middle school.  Some students aggrandize their time at middle school, but most students are astute enough to realize they need to get their act together to get through middle school. That is why officials are confused as to why a middle school student started a protest that ended with Jefferson Middle School in shambles.

Kwan Robertson, along with a group of friends, was protesting APS laws and policymakers. They believed that many of these laws were unjust. Could it be that Kwan Robertson was actually asinine enough to think that looting the school, would help his cause?

Jenny Smith M.D. thinks not. Smith, a pediatrician, says that Kwan suffers from narcolepsy, a disease that causes the host to fall asleep at inappropriate times. This ailment combined with sleepwalking breeds a dangerous disorder. At first narcolepsycould be harmless: falling asleep at lunch, during class, or while reading a book; but narcolepsy will culminate into something more dangerous if untreated. It could even result in the atrophy of Kwan’s hypothalamus-the part of the brain that controls sleep. Unfortunately, the nature of Kwan’s health is arcane.  Because of this, John Smitson believes something more dangerous happened to Kwan.

Smitson, the school counselor, believes Kwan has turned against his superiors. “I see this happening all the time in middle school, these kids lack the acumen necessary to make lawful judgments.” Smitson believes he has a way to ameliorate this ambivalentchild: “Just put him in detention. But don’t assuage his punishment. That will onlyaccrue his anti-law thoughts!”

Neither of these claims are particularly auspicious for Kwan, especially considering the aftermath of the protest. What is anomalous about the incident is Kwan was completely benign after the protest. From what officials were able to ascertain,Kwan had absolutely no idea what had happened and was under the impression he had just woken up from a dream. “My thoughts are anachronistic. I don’t know what happened at all,” stated Kwan. “It is not like Kwan to encroach the student rulebook. Kwan is a very good student,” indicated Kwan’s mother.

Officials were also surprised to find that prior to the protest, Principal Shawn Morris had abdicated his position as principal and moved to another school. Could this have influenced the protest? If so, why would the protestors abscond with all the principal’s belongings?  Tune in next week to read more about this ongoing investigation.

~

Joaquín Madrid Larrañaga

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