Ben’s Magical Comedy Column: The School Patio, Part I

By: Ben H.

Edited by: Colette

When people walk out onto the patio to eat their lunch in peace, they notice one thing in particular: a white painted structure. What this white painted structure does, nobody knows. It provides no shade, it is second to being the most uncreative thing in the school (bested only by the monthly newsletter), and is trap for random trash. Kids constantly try to climb and swing around in the ugly, blinding, steel behemoth structure. Just take my word for it, it’s bad. This article investigates the mystery that is the Jefferson Middle School patio.

Among the odd and strange spectacles of steel “art” scattered around the patio, there are beautiful trees and plants growing. The average student can escape the screaming, squealing, and awkward moaning of the cafeteria and enjoy the wonderful weather of New Mexico and admire the amazing view of the Sandia Mountains. However, a new and highly advanced weapon has plagued the once perfect and serene landscape: chewing gum.

Any veteran of the patio knows that while the shadeless structures are pretty bad, the worse part of the patio is the gum. Over the years, the patio has become covered in splotches of disposed chewing gum, only showing the concrete base in the less populated areas. The chewing gum centers usually around trash cans (students have horrible aim), food outputs, and well populated tables. At the rate the chewing gum is being consumed now, one could calculate that Jefferson Middle School could be renamed “Gum Middle School” by 2020.

(see Part II of this fascinating column next week in/on the online Jefferson!)

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