Horoscopes for the Week of Feb. 20th

By: Eli G.

This week’s special feature: Twilight, the worst book in the world.

Taurus: This week: You spend 20 conflicted hours in your room pondering the ever powerful question that could change the world: Jacob, or Edward?

Gemini:  This week: You remark to the entire world (this is gonna be bad) that some people disapprove of the twilight series.

Cancer: This week: You hate blood, blood bad, hisssssssss, hisssssssss.

Leo: This week: To improve team pro-unicorns population you start the unicornight series, unicorners, or anti-unicorners.

Virgo: This week: You read the first unicornight book and start an online blog site about how much it sucks (buh dum, pish)

Libra: This week: Are there any fire monsters in twilight? No? Well, werewolves are more flammable so… TEAM JACOB.

Scorpio: This week: You predict that the ending of the book series will suck just as much as the rest of the twilight series. (Boom! A pun and a burn. (leo would love the burn part.))

Sagittarius: This week: Week three of sugarpocalypse, you invest in blood too just in case you become a vampire who thinks blood tastes like sugar.


Aquarius: This week: Authors earn money, you publish your own sequel to the unicornight book 1.

 Pisces: This week: Jacob doesn’t seem so tough, seriously, you can take that doggy. He’s not even a cute dog.

Aries: This week: You stand in a neutral position on the twilight books, and are hated for it.


2 thoughts on “Horoscopes for the Week of Feb. 20th

    • Didn’t see that heroes of Olympus tie in there… Actually, i did, I totally meant to do that… Seriously. Why are you laughing? In all seriousness, I just got the burning thing from the last horoscope of last year, I just based the personalities of the horoscope crew off that Horoscope. Jimmy though, Jimmy was my idea. “What Jimmy? No I’m pretty sure that I created you. What did you say? Don’t speak to your technical mother/father that way! I don’t like your tone of voice young man!”

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