An Eli B. Production
Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, Children of all ages, for the first time in the history of the Jeffersonian, I give you this article on…wait for it… CHEESE OF THE UNIVERSE!
This reporter went around asking people what their favorite cheese is and why. Let’s see what the polls dragged in. The top 5, were…wait for it… Pepper Jack, American, Muenster, Provolone, and Mozzarella.
Now lets see why…
Pepper Jack: It’s spicy (and we’re New Mexicans) and tastes really good on Subway sandwiches.
American: It is creamy and tastes (and feels) really good when melted.
Muenster: It’s fantastic and tastes even better when you start eating it from an early age.
Provolone: It’s great melted on a meatball sandwich and just tastes so good.
Mozzarella: It is mostly used in Italian food and Italian food is also really good.
According to the Internet, the best cheese in the world is Parmigiano Reggiano from Parma, Italy. Also according to the Internet, the most expensive cheese is Donkey Cheese retailing at $700 per pound.
For those of you who don’t know anything about CHEESE OF THE UNIVERSE, this is how you make cheese:
- The milk is extracted from a cow and tested for quality and purity (only the most pure and high quality milk is used).
- Then, the milk is weighed (10 pounds of milk = 1 pound of cheese) and heat-treated to ensure safety.
- Bacteria (the good kind) are added to the cheese to make the flavors and textures of the cheese and a milk clotting agent is added.
- It is then cut into sections.
- It is then stirred, heated, and drained.
- Then, it is handled and salted (different techniques are used to make different tastes)
- It is then pressed and shaped to make different sizes and shapes.
- Curing ages the cheese and makes the texture more desirable. This is the final stage for cheese making.
So now you know: in Jefferson Middle School, out of like 15 people, Pepper Jack is the best cheese. In the Universe, Parmigiano Reggiano is the best cheese and finally for the rich and stupid people: Donkey Cheese at $700 per pound.