Horoscopes for The Week of 8.20

by Eli G.

As In previous years, the Jeffersonian is always up to date with the alignment of planets and stars. And so we witness the triumphant return of the horoscope!!!! So… Without further ado… here is the First horoscope of the school year.

Taurus: Ohhhh you guys missed all that summer fashion this year. The frills on those dresses! The fedoras and the beauty oh the beauty…

Gemini: Has anybody seen My fedora??? What Taurus had it?? Oh No… Taurus don’t you dare make that into another dress!!!!!! Ahhhhhgggg!!!!

Cancer: What? School? That started??? Already??? Oh… I didn’t get the memo.

Leo: I LOVE MANTIS SHRIMP!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!

Virgo: Ugggggg Leo!!!! Calm down… Really!! I can’t believe that guy.

Libra: Yeah it just makes you wanna burn a house down don’t you think so?

Scorpio:  WOAH. I had this dream where It was like “The school year again!” Wait!! It is! I’m the next oracle!

Sagittarius: MMMMMM what is this stuff?

Capricorn: Oh no…. Don’t eat that Sagittarius!!! That’s pure sugar!!!! Nooooooooo!

Aquarius: Ill stop Sagittarius’ sugar rush!!! For a small fee.

Pisces: FINALLY!!!! IVE BEEN WAITING ALL FREAKING SUMMER TO BE IN A HOROSCOPE!!!! WAIT… WHO ARE YOU???? A DIFFERENT WRITER!!!!! WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Aries: WOAH WOAH WOAH… Calm down Pisces… Sorry about him… He’s got severe ADD and ADHD. So sorry… Wow rough first day huh? Bye!

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