Horoscopes for the Week of May 18 2012

Editor’s Note: I apologize for the lateness of these horoscopes.  Yesterday one of the wonderful editors if the Jeffersonian left yesterday and the stars and I were saying good bye.  This will be the last horoscope of the year from this star reader but it has been a great year!

Taurus: This is the best painting I have ever seen.  It’s beautiful.  The way that the colors blend together.  It makes me want to laugh and cry, at the same time.  What do you mean that’s a wall with nothing but white paint on it?  It’s still beautiful…

Gemini: Does anyone know what time it is?  I have no clue what time it is.  No, I don’t have a watch if I did would I be asking you what time it is?  the one you got me for my birthday?  I sold that one to a hobo for a french fry.

Cancer: Hey do you know when this is thing is due?  I’m almost done with but I can’t for the life of me remember when it was due.  It was due three weeks ago?  Are you sure?  Where was I? Huh, weird.

Leo: La la la la la!!!!!!! I really want a llama!!!! Is that an ice cream cone?  Can I have a jelly bean? Do you know where unicorns live?? I wonder if you can lick your elbow… I just checked, you can’t.  Is that an ice cream cone?

Virgo: I swear to god that i didn’t do anything to Leo.  He’s just like that naturally.  If you think that was bad you should try living with him…

Libra: Why can’t we be friends?  I didn’t do anything to you!! That was your house I burned down last Friday? Ooops… Sorry, I guess…

Scorpio:I had a dream about you last night… It was totaly bizarre. You were purple and had glitter fly out of your mouth.  I was flying around screaming something about ponies.  But yeah that was my dream.  Weird, right?  What do you mean that actually happened last night?

Sagittarius: Afro, circus, afro, circus, afro, circus, polka dot, polka dot, polka dot, afro…  Sing to the circus theme song!!!!!!

Capricorn: Sagittarius have you eaten any sugar recently?? I’m really worried about the fact that your singing about polka dots and afros together…

Aquarius:  the next time you see me, you won’t recognize me!! Now close your eyes!  No! You opened your eyes to soon! I couldn’t change that fast! Close them again! You did it again!! ARRGGGGGGG!!!!!

Pisces: Can we go now?  I’m dieing of boredom.  We’ve been waiting around, for her, for hours!! It’s so stupid!!! I don’ care if this is my wedding!!! She needs to hurry up!  That’s it I’m out of here!

Aries: I’ll let you know when I feel better.  It might not be for awhile though, just to let you know…  I really don’t feel that well.  I hope it’s nothing serious…  That would totally suck if it turned out that i was deathly ill.  Well I guess this is good bye…  Hey wait!  I feel better now!

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