Editors Note: The Weekly Daily is a newspaper local to Jefferson. It’s written by a group of students that have an eye for “news”. It is published on a weekly basis and will now be featured on the Jeffersonian!
Avocado Thefts At Large!!! On the eleventh of January, Symon Majewski was robbed of several avocados. The thief fled immediately but 100’s of SWAT team members followed in close pursuit. When our thief saw that his pursuers were closing in he trashed the avocado and ran. When the avocado was recovered from the dumpster by Hazmat men it was examined and proved to be edible. However this incident could be followed by several more assaults on the avocado republic. So remember kids, always protect your avocados because avocado thieves, are everywhere! Another Holiday? Yes kids!, it’s time for yet another day off of school. In case you’re having trouble surviving this 5 day week. From now on any Monday that falls on January 16 2012 is a no school day. But only under one condition. Today at least one student must dye her/his hair green, paint their face orange and stand by the snack bar line during lunch. If anyone asks what they are doing they must reply “I am an Oompa Loompa”. Thank You! I thank those of you who have read this and there are many more to come. I thank you in all sincerity for reading this self-published satirical newspaper. The weekly daily and affiliates are not responsible for any harm you may cause to yourself by dressing up as an Oompa Loompa because honestly who’s actually that gullible?
Symon Majewski- Victim of avocado robbery