Unicorns

How many years has it been since you thought about a Unicorn? How long since you imagined its sweet neigh caressing your dreams? Or how long it’s been since you felt the magic of its horn bring you happiness without ever touching you? How long has it really been since Unicorns were in your life? If your answer is: I think about them every day; they are so majestic and beautiful that one could not go a day without imagining such a pure creature. This would be an acceptable answer, if I didn’t know any better. No one knows what a real Unicorn is any more.  But I will tell you what a Unicorn really is. A Unicorn is a horse-like creature with magical properties. It is said to have the body and head of the majestic and kind horse, the powerful yet graceful legs of a stag, the tail of the proud and courageous lion and one long pointed horn in the center of the it’s head. This is the exact and precise definition of a Unicorn. The Unicorn also is said to be magical. They deliver most of their magic through the horn but it exists all through the animal. It exists in its graceful legs, its strong tail, and its mighty, beautiful body and head.

When I say no one knows what a real Unicorn is, I mean it. The general population’s interpretation of a Unicorn is of a strange, mutilated creature. I can’t be sure what it is, but it certainly isn’t a Unicorn. Many Jefferson students envision Unicorns as rainbow-farting, cupcake vomiting creatures. I don’t even want to call them Unicorns because they simply aren’t.  I am not sure what strange ideas made these twisted children think that that could possibly be anything remotely close to a Unicorn. It is absolutely disgusting. First, eww; second, what is it with middle-schoolers, and cupcakes and rainbows, and third, how did those awful, awful traits get pinned on sweet, beautiful Unicorns?

You may think that there could be nothing worse than to describe a Unicorn using vomit and methane, but not only have they made up a trait, but they have changed a Unicorn all together! A Ninjacorn: it is ridiculous and nothing like an actual Unicorn. The only acceptable change to a Unicorn’s actual being is if you mix up the graceful Pegasus with a Unicorn to make a Unicorn-Pegasus/Pegasus-Unicorn. But instead, they decide to mix a human with a Unicorn, in which case that wouldn’t be a Ninjacorn that would be a Centaur. I am confused at this “Ninjacorn” for many others reasons too. First off, why do young children have strange obsessions with ninjas: “oh that’s ninja”, “your so ninja”? I am clueless as to why they say that, instead of just saying “nice” or “that was smooth”, because it is quite obvious that none of the kids at Jefferson are trained in ancient Japanese martial arts, and paid for espionage and assassinations. It is pure nincompoopery. Second off, why do children have to mess up a beautiful creature like the Unicorn? They make it into a joke that really isn’t funny, and rather quite disturbing at that. Instead they should be making it more graceful by adding feathery wings to it.

There are a few other types of Unicorns that are acceptable. Zebra Unicorns are acceptable, as are Donkey Unicorns, and Mule Unicorns. The reason these and not the “Ninjacorn” are acceptable is because they are part of the horse family. They are all equines or related to equines in some way. In no way is a human, much less a Ninja, related to a Unicorn. There are also rules to having Zebra Unicorns and other equine Unicorns. You must keep the whole name of the original creature. No zebra-corns, or donkey-corns. You may only have Zebra Unicorns, and Donkey Unicorns. This is mainly because you don’t call a Unicorn a horse-corn you call it a Unicorn. That is exactly why you should keep the whole name of a Unicorn and a whole name of the equine creature.

Now that I have prepared a background to the Unicorn, and educated you on its beauty you will understand why it makes me so angry every time someone mentions one of the disgusting or ridiculous notions above. Also with this new knowledge of the Unicorn, you may better understand why they are truly magnificent creatures

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