The Biggest Misfortune of the Human Race

Tankred S.

The exciting news about a new planet recently discovered was soon forgotten, as Arthur Paisley had nobody to share this with. Before the news about the planet left Arthur’s brain, the far-off thought about possibly inhabiting that planet came to his mind. As it was, Arthur lived a very boring and colorless life with the mere company of a fish named Wendy.

Arthur’s daily routine consisted of talking to his fish every morning for a few hours until he went off to write his science fiction novels. This was the only means he had of staying entertained, which had become very difficult since the extinction of every other human in New Mexico. For some mysterious reason, Arthur was the only person still living in Santa Fe. Everyone was suddenly gone one morning when he woke up and since he had no desire of finding out what happened, or moving to another state, he stayed exactly where he was.

Ever since his parents died, Arthur was left with the largest mansion in the United States. Although Arthur had everything he needed, he was never happy and Wendy was the only reason he had not yet committed suicide. As long as his fish lived, Arthur vowed he would not kill himself.

Wendy, who was a very tiny gold fish, was a present given to Arthur on his fifth birthday, which happened to be two weeks after the death of his mom. The CIA, for mysterious reasons unknown to Arthur had assassinated Martha, his mom. One year later on the exact same date, his father was also killed and Arthur was left to his own resources. What he did know was that his parents had a deep secret they would not share with him.  Once they were killed, the secret would remain a mystery forever unless Arthur found out himself.

Due to the fact that the mansion in which Arthur was living was so large, he had not had the chance to explore all of the rooms or even the separate buildings belonging to the mansion.

One morning, Arthur was persuaded by the fact that his fish had told him to start an exploration of the mansion, and without further thought, Arthur did exactly that.

By the end of his archeological exploration of the grounds on which Arthur’s mansion was built, he had found out two facts. First of all, a Uranium ore was located directly under the ground in the back yard, which to his distress had been dug out. Secondly, his parents were in the process of building an atomic bomb when the CIA assassinated them.

These facts were a complete shock to Arthur, who had been persuaded by his parents that they worked as mailmen and hot dog vendors in Albuquerque. They had explained to him that this was the reason they were gone every day for 10 hours. Now, Arthur had uncovered the true jobs of his parents. In reality, they were part of the Al Qaeda extremist organization and were plotting to drop an atomic bomb on Washington D.C. This bomb was being built directly under the mansion in which Arthur had already lived for 30 years.

Due to this, Arthur was already certain that he would die of radiation poisoning sooner or later, and he figured he might as well end his life with an accomplishment or at least an adventure. This is when the idea of the new planet, Kepler-22b came to mind. Since Arthur was so rich, and since he had all the materials that had originally been collected to build an atomic bomb, with his brilliant mind, Arthur built a spaceship that would attempt to fly all the way to Kepler-22b, which was some 600 light years away.

This spaceship, however, was built to travel through wormholes. If the spaceship worked correctly, it could get Arthur to the planet in exactly 5 years, which he calculated would be before he died of radiation poisoning. Arthur had one main problem though. How would he bring his fish Wendy with him?

After having a large sacrificial ceremony in the back yard of the mansion, Arthur blasted off to outer space, and eventually reached Kepler-22b. The planet turned out to be very similar to earth and Arthur, being very excited, wanted to go racing back to earth to share the wonderful news. Little did he know that on his journey home, he missed the wormhole and was destined to float in outer space for the rest of his life.

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