Lola’s Halloween Costume Malfunction

By Mr. R

Last year Jefferson middle-schoolers were allowed to wear Halloween costumes on Wednesday. Anything was tolerated except revealing clothing and real or fake weapons. I timed my curriculum so that on Costume Day we would have a quiz on material that should have been mastered. This would prevent any mischief or costume distractions during class. The quiz kept every class quiet and focused until sixth period.

Lola came dressed up as a green M&M candy, and she gave me an M&M as she entered the room. Her costume was a giant ball enveloping her torso and I asked her to take off the M&M ball. Chanel informed me that it was inflatable, and she would deflate it for class.

Twenty minutes later, during the ponderous silence of the test, I slowly came to the realization I could vaguely hear a humming noise……….a very subtle, quiet, whirring. I got up from my desk, wandered around in search of the source of this humming, and then I discovered Lola had turned on her M&M inflator motor and was now pinned in her desk by her M&M costume which was now fully inflated. She had a distressed look on her face because the M&M had pushed her away from her desk and had her slightly tilted backwards.

I saw it as a hilarious situation and wanted to laugh but kept it under control. Very calmly I told Lola to turn off her inflator motor and deflate her M&M costume.

With a pained and embarrassed look on her face, Lola reached down somewhere and flipped a switch. It was then that the deflating noise started. You could make it with your mouth, right now. Breathe in deeply, and then very slowly release the air through your teeth. It was at eight seconds into the deflating that the sound of the escaping air and Lola’s intensifyingly distressed look caused me to burst into laughter. I think the kids were relieved at my reaction, and there was some nervous snickering.

If any of them grow up and make a movie about middle schoolers, they should not neglect to put that incident into their film.