Your Weekly Horoscope #5

By: Samantha P.

Those born on 11.3: You might have noticed that dark orb hovering above you the entire day.  That isn’t an alien spacecraft or symbolic “dark cloud”, but merely a large clump of dandruff.  Have you considered a different shampoo? 

Aries: People say you are a control freak, but if you had it your way, they would tell you that more slowly and about .5 decibels louder.

Taurus: You’ll become a hero on Friday, proving once and for all just how desperately in need of help we are.
Gemini: Everyone has a right to their opinion, but remember, only you and everyone who agrees with you is right.

Cancer: No one has any idea how smart you are. Be sure to remind them at every possible moment.

Leo: Your life will soon divided into two eras: “Before You Angered the Lion” and “After You Angered the Lion”.

Virgo: Someday you’ll look back on this and laugh. That of course, will be after 20 or so facial reconstructive surgeries.

Libra: They say that a creative and intelligent persons life is full of color and beauty. Bet you’re wondering why yours is a cement gray color.

Scorpio: Strange impulses you can’t deny will lead you to you to blow all your money on some “cool” diamond studded teeth.
Sagittarius: Your lucky numbers this week are 8√12.6   and Σ¼.
Capricorn: Don’t let your ego get in the way of your friendships. You are SO much better than that.
Aquarius: You knew that drumstick was going to come back and haunt you, but those flying chickens are still unnerving.
Picese: It turns out that you’ll only get 14 and a half minutes of fame.
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