Philosophy for [All] Occasions By Ivan

For the longest time, I though “selfish” was a type of seafood.  The realization that it was not has forced me to ponder hard on many a thing and come up with the conclusion that I must write an article on philosophy because I’m to lazy to think of any of that stuff myself.  Enjoy.

Throughout history, some of the greatest thinkers have also been philosophers.

This was, of course, up to the point at which you could become a great thinker in the comfort of your own home over the internet, writing witty and substantive but dull and thoroughly un-thought-through blog posts for example.  However, the thinkers who take that route are shallow and lack entirely the ability to ponder and hypothesize on the purpose of life, the universe, and everything (thank you, Douglas Adams).

I will try to supply enough philosophy for [all] occasions (I am obsessed with brackets, I need to go to like brackitaholics anonymous) to sustain you readers for at least the next three or four months (at which point you will have told everyone you know and then some all of the thoughts contained herein).
Some of the most profound philosophical breakthroughs have come from people generally hated by the people around them (that or they were just plain weird).  Exempli Gratia, Socrates, the great Greek philosopher and creator of the Socratic Method which demonstrates Socratic Irony (a very confusing thing not to be discussed in this article).

Socrates was also a man.  Now, I don’t know what dumb-[expletive] came up with this, but apparently all men are mortal.  Therefore, all men are Socrates.
Unfortunately, Socrates died of an overdose of hemlock which was his sentence for corrupting the minds of the youth.  Which brings us to our next philosopher: Kierkegaard.

Kierkegaard was a great Danish philosopher who wrote many a confusing and profound thing and was deeply influenced by Socrates.  Kierkegaard also stressed the self and its relation to the world as being grounded in self-reflection and introspection (notice how I’m being redundant and repeating things redundantly).  Kierkegaard determined that the self is in relation to the self as defines the boundaries of the self, which is the state of being conscious of consciousness pertaining to the soul, thus achieving sentience.
Confused yet, well you have no reason to be … I think.  And I think, therefor I am: Cagito ergo sum.

On to our next philosopher Descartes.  Rene Descartes was a famous mathematician, philosopher, and physicist.  He is most famous for coming to the previously stated conclusion: I think, therefore I am.  He got this conclusion through the following reasoning: only things which cannot be doubted are true, thoughts exist as it cannot be doubted otherwise, thoughts are inseparable from myself, therefor I exist.

If one thinks that way, then a psychic is the last thing this world needs and here’s why: I think, therefor I am, but a psychic has my same thoughts and therefor they are, I cease to exist and the psychic becomes me (thank you, Joss Whedon).
Ivan Zone, out.


9 thoughts on “Philosophy for [All] Occasions By Ivan

  1. Joss whedon: Head Writer of buffy the vampire slayer. He is also a director and occasional actor.

    Douglas Adams: Author of Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe (a book i have yet to complete).

    DO I WIN?!?!? (said in screaming gir voice)

  2. Wow, haven’t been to this post for a long time. That is correct, Kya, I honestly didn’t expect anybody to know that without Googling it. You get bonus points

  3. Many philosophical essayists make the mistake of putting Descartes before Deshorse.

    On a more serious note:

    Thoughts are things; think clearly and kindly.

    Breathe. Think. Pray.

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