I’ve decided to give the fiction a rest for the time being. In the mean time, I fully intend to expose all hypocrisy, mediocrity, idiocy and frivolity within our school, starting with the agendas.
There is one rule in particular that sticks out quite noticeably.
Namely, you are not a student at JMS without your agenda.
But I digress. I shall begin the article-y part of the paper with the following question: what’s the point? Why must we continually waste paper and plastic to create a redundant booklet to be handed to every student?
Very few people even USE their agendas regularly, anyways. I myself haven’t used mine since the second month of sixth grade, over a year ago.
The only regular use of the agendas is the checking of the Jetcards, and even this is not without its flaws. Let us look at the following tales for evidence:
There were two students, who will remain anonymous in this article, anonymous 1 and anonymous 2.
Anonymous 1 was a “goody-two-shoes.” He had a 4.0 GPA (Grade Point Average), and stayed several hours after school each day to help his teachers with any paperwork they may have.
Anonymous 2, however, was a very mischievous child, and tended to get his Jetcard signed. Anonymous 1 made the entire year without getting his Jetcard signed, and was rewarded by going to a noisy, crowded “party” that consisted of a free popsicle and 30 minutes of “hanging out” with the other students that kept their Jetcards clean.
Anonymous 2, however, got his Jetcard signed twice, and was forced to A) Get a stern talking to and B) Write three sentences of manipulative, sentimental garbage about how he mustn’t whistle in class ever again.
He was punished by staying in a relaxed, tranquil, peaceful and delightfully cozy room where he got to read a good book and ponder life’s mysteries.
For those of you who didn’t notice, anonymous 2 got the better deal.
So why does everyone insist upon keeping their Jetcards clean as if it were a life or death situation?
I only keep mine clean because I don’t make an effort to get it signed. Another thing whole forced organization and tidy agenda goodness deal. If people need an agenda to stay organized, they can get their own for about $2.00 plus tax at Walgreens.
But for those (the majority) of us, the agenda is a pointless waste of paper, plastic and backpack space. So I beg of the administration: dispel the webs of confusion and arrogance that surround the chalice of logic filled with the eggnog of wisdom.
Abolish the fruit flies of disillusionment that surround the fruit bowl of intelligence that houses the nectarine of paying even the slightest bit of attention to the opinions of the kids and the pomegranate of Antioch (I’m hungry, can you tell?).
In short, recall the agendas, forget about Jetcards and just hand out lunch detention slips like every other school in our district.