The subject of tonight’s Ivan Zone (if there is justice in this world, html will not kill that font) is biking on school campus.
For many years (presumably) biking on school campus has been outlawed, for perfectly logical reasons. I mean, just listen to last year’s AAB (Anger All Bikers) endorsment for not biking on school campus: “Remember Jets, don’t ride your bikes on school campus because you might run into a large metal object and get a concussion or something.”
Who could argue with that? ME! First off, I get yelled at to “GET OFF THE BIKE” even when there are no large metal objects near. Obviously, there is some ulterior motive.
Secondly, I have, in my life, run into countless large metal objects (too many to remember at least) and yet, I haven’t gotten a concussion. Thirdly, GIVE KIDS SOME CREDIT WHY DON’T YOU! These are kids who bike to and from school often enough that they can GET here in one piece. I’d think they would have some sort of skills used to avoid concussions such as swerving, braking, jumping off the bike, and (as a last resort) hitting the metal object with their bike ALONE, no other part of their body injured.
Meanwhile the AAB endorsers think the students just “get lucky” EVERY SINGLE DAY. There are a few choice adjectives and interjections I would like to use right now, but I won’t.
Furthermore, I should think that yelling at students, which would make them turn around and look instead of concentrating on NOT GETTING CONCUSSIONS, isn’t the most effective strategy for preventing them from hurting themselves.
The subject of riding your bike around the cars in the parking lot has come up. AAB supporters say that bikers may get run over if they dart out in front of a CAR THAT IS STARTED AND WOULD ALREADY HAVE TO BE BACKING UP IN ORDER TO HIT THEM. These are also the people who look out their back windows for five minutes before backing up so they can honk at bikers, and the people whose cars, while going backwards, go from zero to eighty in, what, two hours? Point made.
In conclusion, the biking on school campus policy is an AAB conspiracy and if these people really wanted to protect students, the policy would be “Students are at no times allowed to live. If you live, there is the chance you might get hurt.” I’m alive, I know the risks.