Our Cafeteria

By Ben

As anyone who has B lunch doubtlessly knows, our eating conditions leave quite a lot to be desired.

Firstly, anyone who doesn’t bring his or her lunch is in for an unpleasant surprise. Because of our charming new block schedule, there isn’t a bell for lunch to begin.

Rather, children are released whenever the whim strikes their teacher, meaning that unless your 5th/6th period teacher happens to have a habit of releasing you with a 5-minute head start, you’ll be lucky to get a cold slice of pizza 15 minutes into lunch.

It doesn’t help that the vending machine invariably runs out of edible material halfway through A-lunch on Monday.

In addition, it would seem that B-lunch is the *Coughs* tiniest bit overcrowded. Frankly, it’s difficult to hear what the person next to you is saying over the general flurry of sonic activity that takes place in the cafeteria.

Of course, there is the wonderful fact that 2/3 through lunch, a good 15 out of 16 of the children have moved to the patio, and those who remain are treated to a drone of a mere 90 decibels (Warning- regular exposure to over 1 minute of this volume or above risks permanent hearing loss).

Remember, safety comes first here at Jefferson!

Even the people lucky enough to have A-lunch have a difficult time with the same problems. I had the great fortune to have this less crowded lunch last year, and only suffered minor permanent damage to my left ear.

Anyways, whatever happened to the Fire Department issued ‘occupant load’? Surely the fact that it takes slightly over a minute for half of the cafeteria to file out of the doors is a fire hazard. Unfortunately, an extension to the cafeteria, or perhaps another set of doors, would cost simply too much. It’s not as if we have annual fundraisers for things like that, and even if we did, who cares about fire safety?

A new marquee is SO much cooler.


10 thoughts on “Our Cafeteria

  1. Okay, this doesn’t actually have anything to do with the article, but is nevertheless important.
    Right now, I happen to be the only one currently sporting a weekly column. However, for the sake of more new and interesting material, I would ask anyone reading this to seriously consider taking up a weekly column. It has been quite fun and alleviates boredom quite efficiently
    I strongly suggest that those reading this at least try for a weekly column.Details are in the announcements.

  2. As a student of Jefferson and person of strong opinion I don’t think you should comment unless you have anything important to say, not something people without OCD will pass by like some complaint about comment subject.

    • Agreed. Thank you, Ivan. Nevertheless, I do encourage constructive criticism and/or sentences such as “…I like this BECAUSE…”

      And if your comment doesn’t meet the specifications of Ivan or I, please keep your comments to yourself.

  3. Okay then, I will revise my previous comment.

    You did a good job Ben, you very accurately portrayed lunch life at Jefferson.
    You also did a wonderful job of wording the story so that it is interesting and fun to read.

    And thank you for pointing out to me that comments like my previous one are of absolutely NO use. I also thank you for that because it also made me realize that I should be making comments with constructive criticism, rather than just stating that I like the story.

    So I sincerely thank you for that.

    PS: I am going to be taking up a weekly column of sorts, and some of my work should be published soon, so if you are looking around, take a look at it and tell me what you think.

  4. Sorry Cole,
    My comment wasn’t meant to be a joke at your expense. Please don’t hold this against me as I’m sure you are a fully competent author and intelligent enough to directly insult me in your column.

  5. None taken,
    I am not the kind of person who holds grudges or vendettas, and even if I did, it would last no more than a few minutes.
    I would not insult you directly in my column, I don’t think I would even bother to insult you in any way, shape, or form at all.
    By the way Ivan, I did not feel offended by your joke at all. See, I made the common mistake of assuming. I assumed that the joke was directed at me because my comment was the only one that was ridiculously small and prior to yours. And even if the joke was to be made at my expense, it was still pretty funny.

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