Lawn Flamingos or Lawn Gnomes?

Dear Readers,

The past couple of weeks, we’ve been having mini debates, some of which consist of not-so-serious topics, including cats v. dogs, glasses v. contacts, and, in this case, lawn flamingos v. lawn gnomes. This particular piece is arguing that lawn gnomes are by far better than lawn flamingos, and I must say, it is quite convincing. Enjoy!

By Amanda O.

Hello, everyone. I am Amanda, and these are my teammates Mason and Turner.  We are here today to prove to all of you that lawn gnomes are better than lawn flamingos.

There are many reasons why this is true. First of all, they are so much more diverse than lawn flamingos! Besides the usual male gnomes, there are also female gnomes, which shows that they encourage gender equality! Of all the pink flamingos on lawns, none of them have ever seemed to encourage gender equality.   But even if they did, how could you tell?

Lawn gnomes save you all this trouble, giving you the convenience to know the gender of your lawn ornaments, which, in several situations, can be more convenient than you may think.

Also, while those boring pink plastic flamingos are made the same old way, garden gnomes come in a variety of sizes, colors, and can even show different emotions. This shows us many more things that are wrong with lawn flamingoes.

First of all, they are always pink. The companies that make these birds clearly do not care about people that appreciate variety.  What about the people that want an orange flamingo on their front lawn? Or the people that want a blue flamingo? What about the people who absolutely despise the color pink, yet love lawn flamingos?

Sadly, these peoples wishes are ignored, because the companies making lawn flamingos are very closed-minded, and insist on always making them pink. Also, flamingos show no expression whatsoever. They just stare off into space with those beady little eyes. How creepy is that?

Would you want to go to a friends house for a quick visit and while you wait for them to get the door, you find a plastic flamingo on the lawn staring at you with beady, unwelcoming eyes? I highly doubt any of you would enjoy that.

Furthermore, lawn gnomes were truly made to be on front lawns. Just think about it. If you were passing through a neighborhood in a car and saw someone’s front lawn, would it make more sense if there was a small dwarf like creature, or an obscenely pink, cheaply made replica of a tropical bird standing on one leg in the lawn?

I don’t know about you, but especially since we are living in New Mexico, where climate is anything but tropical, having a lawn flamingo makes even less sense than it usually already would.

And finally, lawn gnomes are better because they are contributing so much more to society than lawn flamingos are. I don’t see any of those plastic pink flamingoes doing any Travelocity commercials … have you? No, you haven’t, because that’s just not the case.

While the roaming gnome is putting himself out there helping thousands of people find lower prices to traveling destinations, lawn flamingos just keep standing in their owner’s lawns contributing absolutely nothing of their own to modern day society.

We just have to accept the fact that lawn flamingos are disappointing lawn ornaments, and throughout this debate, you will find this statement being proven more and more to be true.  So please, just do the right thing here, and vote affirmative.


4 thoughts on “Lawn Flamingos or Lawn Gnomes?

  1. I will agree… lawn gnomes are better because of their unbiased position character… men, women, young, old, can all appreciate the gnome. It might also be the ability to connect with the human nature of the gnome, unlike the bird. Gnome = human brain … Flamingo = bird brain. Need I say more? I like your study, have fun 😉

  2. Hilarious, intelligent, and all around good entertainment.

    Originally, I was somewhat disinclined to read this, since the title seems a tiny bit ludicrous. But I was bored, and decided to read it anyways.

    Best decision of my life!

    Amanda, I strongly suggest you write more often. You have excellent prose, a good sense of humor, and seem to have a wonderfully developed vocabulary.

    You should try for a weekly column!

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